Pretzel, not pizza!

This is a short story, but a pretty entertaining one that lead to a saying that I think everyone will use.  Or at least should use.  The saying is pretzel, not pizza.  What it means, is something much more amusing.  Let me start from the beginning.

My one good friend, Amanda*, has some issues wearing dresses and skirts.  She tends to lose her femininity, and occasionally her dignity.  Her problem is that she forgets that she’s not wearing pants, therefore it is not appropriate for her to sit like a man.  So she starts cross-legged, or at the least with her legs together.  But that changes very quickly once a drink or two is poured.  Actually, strike that, the alcohol isn’t even necessary.  Her intentions are great in the beginning to stay a lady, but it doesn’t last long.

Sooner or later, we (myself and Amanda’s other friends) spot her from across the room with her legs in a not so lady like position.  And we have to shout across the room that we can take an up-skirt picture of her if we so choose.    But we wanted a way to do this subtly because we didn’t want to embarrass her.  So we had to come up with a code.

Now if you think about it, crossing your legs is similar to a pretzel.  And leaving them a bit open is shaped more like a slice of pizza.  Also, these two things are very easy to convey with yours hands.  (Crossed fingers v. peace sign on an angle)  So now, instead of having to shout, “Shut your legs, we can see your panties!”  We can shout “Pretzel, not pizza!!” with accompanying hand gestures.  Because let’s be honest, all sayings with hand gestures are much more effective and fun than sayings without them.

So remember, everyone is ridiculous, including panty-flashers at the bars.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent, the not so innocent, and myself.