Bar Brawls 101

So I have a group of guy friends who tend to get into bar fights when we are out at night. Most of the time this is simply an annoyance. They pick a fight, we drag them out of a bar, walk down 2 blocks down the street and go into another bar, and the cycle starts over. However one night my one friend decided to start a fight with a girl. Well, strictly speaking she started the fight with him. And ridiculousness ensued...

It was my friend Ruby's* 21st birthday, and a group of us decided to go out and celebrate at the Purple Shamrock in Boston. We'll call the fighting boys Eric* and Ted*. The night goes on and it's typical birthday shenanigans. Lot's of dancing, singing, drinking, and no fighting (yet). It's the end of the night and Ted is looking for girls to hit on/talk to/buy drinks for/take home/whatever. So I, playing the part of "wing woman," was helping him scope out the scene. We spot a girl on the other side of the bar whom we decided was a good choice. Young, cute, fun-looking. Not crazy. (We were wrong.) We decided on a plan of attack.

Now this all seems very ordinary and in no way ridiculous. However I forgot to mention both of us had been drinking for a while, and although we thought we were being subtle, I guess we were being quite obvious. Our whispers were more like shouts, our smooth gestures were more like all out points. So she clearly spotted us discussing her, and she took it in the worst way possible. I don't even blame her for thinking we were talking smack on her, I'm sure it seemed that way. I do blame her for what happened next though.

She comes right up to us and starts yelling about how rude we were. When we try to explain what we were ACTUALLY doing she just isn't having it. This chica gets in my face and is calling me a bitch, blah blah, nothing that I can't handle. I'm ready to just walk away before it escalates, unfortunately I was too late.

Eric sees all this happening and is ready to go. So he gets in HER face and starts yelling. He was basically defending me, which I appreciate and all. But it was very unnecessary. So now Eric, who by the way is 6' 3" and jacked, is having a screaming match with this little 5' 4" brunette chick whom moments before I was trying to set my friend up with. This is just ugly and I can see what is going to happen before it goes down. But it's like a runaway train, it's just too late to stop it and all I can do is watch in horror.

The girl reaches back her hand, and nails out, goes straight for Eric's face. She claws him so badly that there is blood drawn. Not even a little bit of blood, girlfriend got him gooood. Now, I like to think that Eric would never hit a girl, however we won't know because the bouncer immediately jumped in at this moment. We were kicked out before we could even pay our bar tab (which wasn't such a bad thing).

So at the end of the day Eric was my hero for defending my honor, Ted went home alone, and I learned to be subtle when talking about someone. (I bet you thought my lesson would have been to just stop talking about people... but come on. THAT'S just ridiculous.)

So remember, everyone is ridiculous, including girls who hate compliments and like to scratch faces.



*Names have been changed to protect the innocent, the not so innocent, and myself.