Top 10 Horror Roommate Stories: Part 1

I know everyone has had terrible roommates. I think it's a necessary part of being in your 20's. It's like if you never had to choose between rent money and alcohol (alcohol wins), lived in a shitty apartment (extra points in there were mice), or had a roommate from hell, then your freakish good luck is bound to run out eventually and you will end up living in a box outside of the 7-11 on Causeway Street with the other bums. I am now, thank God, at a point in my life where I live in a nice apartment with people I actually like. However, it was not always that way. Since everyone can relate to a roommate horror story, I thought you would enjoy my top 10 awful roommate stories. This post has been taking me forever so I'm just going to post them 1 at a time rather than all at once as a way to actually get them uploaded! Enjoy and if you have a horror roommate stories, tell me about it in the comments!

10) Bra + Party = Bizzare Reaction

So I had one roommate a few years ago, let's call her Katie*, that I did not get along with. Actually, almost no one got along with her. This story might shed some light as to why we did not like her. It was summer and hot as hell in my apartment, and we unfortunately did not have AC. My other roommates and I had a small get together, primarily with my coworkers. I worked at P.F. Chang's at the time, and if you have ever been a server or friends with a server, you know we like to party. So we're all drunk, playing beer pong, flip cup, nothing out of the ordinary. And Katie is in her bedroom, alone, with the door shut. Girlfriend did NOT like to party. She was not a drinker, not social, and pretty much just not fun. So when she finally ventured out of her lair to get something to drink (water) she was wearing nothing but teeny tiny shorts and a bra. Now sister had a great body, I'll give her that. But seriously? That's what you're going to wear when there 40 people, least half of whom are male, hanging out in the living room?

So that's already pretty weird. But not ridiculous enough for it to make the top 10. What happened next was though. So Katie's in the kitchen, being bitchy, basically naked, and then she goes back to her room. Before going back to her room though she decides she’s hungry and wants something to eat. Most people would make a snack like a bowl of cereal, leftover pizza, a sandwich. Normal foods for midnight if you are hungry. However I forgot to mention that Katie was also batshit crazy about her diet and pretty much survived on vegetables. So she decides to boil a pot of carrots. Really. It’s a hundred degrees, there are people hanging out and drinking, and you decide it’s boiled carrot time? So ridiculously bizarre.

So now’s she’s back in her room, and it's absolutely NO surprise that people were talking about her after she left. Pretty predictable responses, "Who was that girl?" "She's pretty hot." "Why wasn't she wearing clothes?" “Why was she boiling a pot of carrots?” etc... If you're going to walk around like that during a party, expect to get talked about. I guess Katie overheard this while she went to the bathroom or something, because she then FREAKED OUT about people talking about her. To the point where she confronted one of my other roommates about it and had a straight up melt down. You know how to not have people talk about you? Throw on a shirt next time you decide to walk through a party. Dumbie.


So remember, everyone is ridiculous, including crazy, carrot boiling, naked roommates.


*Names have been changed to protect the innocent, the not so innocent, and myself.

You can have your cake and eat it too, but you can't eat other people's icing!

So this story was from a while ago, but it was extraordinarily ridiculous so it deserved to get a spot on the blog. It was one of my girlfriends birthdays, and we decided that instead of everyone spending lot's of money by going out to dinner we would cook for everyone (then spend out hard earned money at the bars - where it's meant to be spent).


So my roommate Amanda and I made a lasagna, salad, and appetizers for 15 people. But the piece de resistance was a beautiful cake we baked, double layered with icing of course. We enjoy cooking and entertaining so this wasn't a problem at all. Everyone was having a good time eating, drinking and socializing before we hit the bars. There was no ridiculous to report until we decided to sing Happy Birthday and break out that gorgeous cake.


Let me preface this by saying that no one sounds good when they sing Happy Birthday, but no one is supposed to. It's not about sounding good, it's about making your friend that you're singing to uncomfortable and embarrassed. So it's noticeable when someone singing is making a significant effort to sound good. By singing opera style for example.


Again, it wouldn't have been anything ridiculous if this person was joking, and singing opera style in a terrible way. Unfortunately this person was a trained opera singer, singing her annoying heart out, upstaging everyone (including the birthday girl) and in general being ridiculous.


But the fun doesn't stop there. If it was just the singing I doubt it would have been blog worthy. This girl happened to be a vegetarian. When we first sent out invitations for the gathering she said she wasn't coming, so we didn't bother making a vegetarian dish. To her credit she didn't make a big deal out of it. But I would have rather her thrown a fit than do what she ended up doing.


So post ridiculous singing, we cut slices of cake and it was a pretty typical birthday scene. All of a sudden we notice that while there is still half a cake left, there is no icing left. The opera girl literally ate ALL OF THE ICING OFF OF THE CAKE. Who does that??? Take another piece if you want more!! Not only did she remove the icing off of the cake to the point where no one would want any more (what's the point of cake with no icing?) but she also USED HER FINGERS to eat the icing. She literally dragged her finger across the cake taking the icing, licked the icing off of her finger, and put her spit covered finger BACK ON THE CAKE.


This is not acceptable behavior. Not at a birthday party, not at someone's house, not ever. Keep your ridiculous, yucky habits confined to your own cake. Bleh.


So remember, everyone is ridiculous, including opera singing, vegetarian eating, icing thieves.

Additionally this video is from that night. While the entire video is entertaining, what you really want is at the 1:18 mark. It's at this point that my friend Mischa points out how the icing was eaten off the cake, it shows the cake, and it showcases her (and everyone else's) displeasure at this event occurring. Enjoy!

The Boneyard

This story has been told countless times by myself, my friends, my family, my friends family and most likely complete strangers.  It's because this story is the epitome of all things good and absurd in my life.  Also I figure if I'm going to be blogging about my friends, I better start with a ridiculous story starring yours truly in all fairness.

It starts out as a completely ordinary Friday evening in January of 2008.  Myself and a few of my roommates were out looking at apartments in Allston for us to move into the following September.  After a couple of hours of being uncomfortable in other people's homes, we decided to call it a night and get some dinner.  Any of you familiar with Allston will know Soul Fire.  For those of you who do not, it is a delicious bbq joint with some incredible ribs for crazy cheap.  I highly recommend it.  

Nonetheless I get these very yummy ribs, and I per usual get way too much.  Get home, eat ribs, put leftovers in fridge, move on to the next part of the story.  Seeing as it was  Friday night, the drinking began and we eventually made our way out to a bar.  Cut to later that night, I come home and have what we affectionately refer to as "drunk-chies."  It's like getting the munchies, but when you're drunk.  Yes, I know most of you are familiar with the concept, don't deny it!  So I take my ribs and disappear into my room for the rest of the night.

The site of myself the next morning is sadly something I will never get to experience because my roommate who saw me did not take a picture.  I haven't decided if that's a good or bad thing.  The scene, as she described, was as if I killed and ate a small animal in my bed.  I was dead asleep and there was bbq sauce on my sheets, my face, the wall.  There were bones in my bed, my hair, the floor.  Additionally the TV was still on and I never took off my glasses.  So moral of the story, no matter how hungry or tired you are, never EVER forget to lock your door at night so you're roommates can't see you in such a ridiculous state.

Everyone is ridiculous, including myself.