The epic tale of "Chair of Death"

This story is one that will be passed down for generations.  It's the epic tale of what happens when you agree to play a game that boys make up when they are wasted.  NOT a good decision.  

A good friend of mine, Johannah*, made this decision about two years ago.  It was Easter weekend and she decided to stay at Penn State since it would have been too challenging to get home.  As the majority of her friends decided to go home, she ended up there for the weekend with primarily male friends.  Not that this is a bad thing in itself, but it did lead to the situation pertaining to this story.

Cut to Saturday night and the start of the alcohol consumption.  They started with a round of beer pong, quite common pre-gaming college activity, so no surprises yet.  However after beer pong they decided to move on to Soco (Southern Comfort for those of you not in the know) pong.  Already, an extremely poor decision.  Drinking games with hard liquor rarely end well.  But this specific decision did not end up with (SPOILER ALERT!!!!!) an extremely gross black eye and a concussion.

Next came the brilliant plan to play "Chair of Death."  Let me explain to you this game.  You sit in a chair that spins while holding/drinking a beer.  During this time everyone else spins you as fast as they can.  Now the main point of the game is to drink your beer and stay on the chair as long as you can, until you fall off from the spinning.  Also, you can NOT spill your beer.  Sounds like fun, right?  No, it sounds like the worst idea a group of drunk college boys have ever come up with.  And of course Johannah agreed to play.  What a trooper.

So the first round of spinning she drank, she didn't spill, she fell, everything was fine.  There was a lot of cheering and smack talk.  But let's consider her success beginners luck.  Because then she tried again and her second round did not go so smoothly.

She drank, she didn't spill, she fell... directly onto her face.  Apparently, in her drunken state, she did not realize that she hurt herself.  But once she got up off the floor, everyone else kind of freaked out.  Black eyes of this severity apparently show up pretty quickly.  And the blood vessels that she popped in her eye were pretty intense, essentially making her entire eye red.  After people ran to grab her some ice for her eye she made sure to take care of herself by going to a hospital...  oh wait, no she didn't.

It wasn't until the next day when she had a throbbing headache that she realized that maybe it would be a good idea to see a doctor.  Lo and behold, she had a concussion on top of her black eye.  So the lesson of this tale is, never, ever, EVER play a game that drunk boys make up.  It can only end in pain and gross eyes.

So remember, everyone is ridiculous, including and especially drunk boys and the girls who are friends with them.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent, the not so innocent, and myself.

What happens when you decide to stay home and drink...

This summer was a pretty fantastic one.  Full of wonderful friends, beach days, bbq's, and of course LOT'S of ridiculousness.  This one story in particular had to be pieced together by everyone involved over the next few days... this was what we came up with.

One night this summer myself, Amanda and Ruby decided to stay in as opposed to going out to a bar.  After a lovely dinner we began doing some "light" drinking on the front porch.  The boys who live above me saw this and joined in.  What started a few beers and some nice conversation quickly turned into shot taking and story telling hour.  Let me again clarify that this was supposed to be a low-key night.

It's now about midnight and we realized we haven't seen Ruby for a little while.  We discover her praying to the porcelin gods and making it quite clear she is DONE for the night.  So even though Ruby did not make it past midnight, this speed bump did not slow down Amanda or myself.

Now the boys we have been drinking with for a the better portion of the night invite us to a party they are going to.  Here's where things begin to get hazy and multiple perspectives had to be brought together to finish the story off.

We went to a house party in the area where Amanda and I were playing beer pong.  And by playing beer pong I mean hugging/stumbling so much that we fell and completely took our the table.  We left shortly after that.  I don't think we left a great impression on our hosts.

Then we went to the Linden Suprette (a ghetto Store-24 by my apartment).  In addition to buying snacks we begged the owner to give us porn.  But not just any porn, tranny porn.  We were so amused at the idea of tranny porn that we wanted the magazine, however we did not want to buy it.  Surprisingly he did not give in to us.  I guess we weren't meant to see it, huh?  (In retrospect I'm really glad he didn't give it to us because I'm not sure how I would have reacted the next day, also I think it would have been burnt into my brain forever.)

At home Amanda decided to get to know our one neighbor a bit better and she disappeared.  In addition to her disappearance we discovered one of our upstairs neighbors passed out on the couch on the front porch.  This couch we lovingly refer to as the "aids couch" because we think homeless people sometimes sleep on it and it gets peed on occasionally.  So being nice girls, we try and wake him up because his bed is LITERALLY upstairs!  We then find out this isn't an unusual occurrence for him, so we let him sleep.

The next morning when we are grilling Amanda on what happened the night before we discover her phone is missing.  We decided it's upstairs some where, but they can't find it either.  Sadly she decides it's lost forever, a small token to pay to the party gods if I may quote "Clueless" (and when is it ever not appropriate to quote Clueless??).

A few weeks ago we were moving furniture and we found her phone behind the DVD rack!!  How it got there, we'll never know.  But was it a wonderful, and ridiculous, night?  Absolutely!

So remember, everyone is ridiculous, including your neighbors!

Really Gap? This is what we get this year?

If you are a television consumer/commercial critic (yes, that's a real thing) like I am, then every year you eagerly anticipate the return of the "Gap" holiday commercials. What classics we have seen over the years! Do you remember the "Love Train" ones? Fantastic! Catchy, great message, totally made me want to buy scarves in an unreasonably number of colors.  

Or all the ones with the celebrities?  Like the absurdly adorable John Krasinski!  

So the first time I saw this year's Gap commercial I was SORELY disappointed.  I get the concept, holiday "cheer."  It's cute, in theory.  And the commercials with the adults is OK, not great, but ok.  However, and this is a big however, the commercial with the kids makes bnoxme literally want to rip my hair out.  It's obnoxious, annoying, and sends an insanely terrible message.  Check it out:

"Hey Mom, guess what... I'm not gonna wear it any more!"  Seriously Gap?  We get messages of love before, and now that the country is in a recession and people are constantly be laid off and the economy is still in the shitter, WHY are you encouraging kids to become brats and claim that they refuse their old clothes?!  UGH.  It's painful to be.

So remember, everyone is ridiculous, including major clothing companies and their advertisements.

World news, politics, and a government that makes ours look like a gay pride parade

I know this site is typically about ridiculous and funny stories regarding myself and my friends. However this is a ridiculous story of the most disturbing variety that I think it's important for people to know about.

I don't know how many of you keep up with world news, but recently Uganda has proposed a potential bill that would allow the imprisenment and death penalty for those who are gay or inflicted with AIDS. It sadly goes even further than that, according to the Associated Press (AP), "Anyone who 'aids, abets, counsels or procures another to engage of acts of homosexuality' faces seven years in prison if convicted. Landlords who rent rooms or homes to homosexuals also could get seven years and anyone with 'religious, political, economic or social authority' who fails to report anyone violating the act faces three years." That full story can be found here:
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gNOsUTPIL6zoTWAGRTzPqmx3__IgD9CFBHJ00

This is just absurd, disturbing, and unbelievably ridiculous. Sadly it looks like this bill will be passed. Aside from the fact that this goes against human rights in the most blatant way, this is extremely discouraging for people to get tested for AIDS, which is literally the last thing needed right now.

Don't worry, my next post will be in the light-hearted genre of ridiculous we all know and love. I just wanted to share the insanity of this story and make my readers aware of this ridiculousness that is occuring around the world at all times.

Everyone is ridiculous, including foreign government law-makers.

Happy Birthday to...*boom* She fell off the toilet!

This tale of a dear friend Amanda* and her birthday in 2008. Amanda's birthday's are always what we like to refer to as "a shit show," and 2008's took the cake. It started innocently enough, the plan was to have everyone drink for a bit then head out to Revolution Rock Bar, one of Amanda's more frequented spots. Just a little FYI to those of you out there who haven't been to RRB, it's a bit more dressy, no cover but expensive drinks. So in order to counter-act the price of the drinks, the drinks were poured more freely before leaving. (In theory, if you drink more ahead of time you won't drink as much at the bar. As this story continues, you will see that things don't always work out as planned).



Upon arriving at RRB we discover that while there is no cover on Friday's, there is a $15 on Thursday's, and wouldn't you know it Amanda's birthday fell on a Thursday this year. So we did what any broke college kid would do, we marched our sparkly dressed, high heel wearing selves down to Sissy K's which is around the corner from RRB. A bit more information for those of you who are not family with Sissy K's; it is the antithesis of RRB. It's small, dirty, casual, cheap and a straight up pub. Also, it has karaoke.


The highlights of this night at the bar include myself singing "American Woman" with a 50-year-old, Amanda making out with some guy in the middle of the bar, and us earning the nickname "The Infamous Ashley, Amanda and Caitlyn.*"



The real fun began once the clock struck 2 AM, and we were forced to vacate the bar. Myself, Amanda and Caitlyn took a cab home, with Amanda's make-out buddy and his friend in hot pursuit of us. Evidently she invited people home for the "after party." Amanda, as graceful as she is drunk, eats shit the second she steps out of the cab. And as soon as Caitlyn and I have her on her feet again, turn to pay the driver, BOOM she's on the ground again!

Half-carrying her into the apartment to clean her now bloodied knees, we are all still pretty riotous. Our next mistake was believing she could use the bathroom on her own. From the kitchen, where Caitlyn and I were preparing snack's for our drunkchies, we hear for a third time that night BOOM!


Lying on the floor, with her dress pulled up and her tights pulled down, is Amanda with toilet paper in one hand and the seat cover in the other. "I fell off the potty!!" She declared. Yes, obviously.


Oh and evidently the toilet cover was meant to keep her stable, but she ended up taking it down with her in her fall. It was found the next morning in her room because she didn't want us to see it. Bit too later there...

The night proceded to wind down from there. The guests Amanda invited came over, ate some pizza with us, nothing too exciting. They did however stay the night, which leads to my favorite part of this story.

As Caitlyn and I were preparing some breakfast the next morning we got a phone call from an extremely hungover Amanda.

Amanda: Ughhh guys I keep throwing up at work. Ugggghhhh...
Us: Um, we're sorry. Can we do anything to help?
Amanda: Yea can you look in my room for my camera. I just want to make sure it made it home with me last night.
Us: Yea no problem. *click*

As I proceed to dig around Amanda's room for her camera, Caitlyn announces she's going on Amanda's computer to check her email. As soon as she opens her laptop a website is up that is similar to when you finish watching a Youtube video and it has the circle button that says "Play again." But it wasn't Youtube.

It was Youtube.

And we clicked it.

There, in all their naked glory, was a couple going at it in an amuteur porn video!!!!! Amanda watched porn the night before!!!!!

We later discovered that the friend that slept on the couch played it as a joke after Caitlyn and I went to bed. But it did not stop us from ragging on Amanda for months to come.

And then posting this story on my blog.

Everyone is ridiculous, including (ESPECIALLY) birthday girls!

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent, the not so innocent, and myself.

A Not So Merry Christmas Adventure

This tale is a rather innocent one, however still amusing.  I like it because it happened recently AND it pretty much sums up how my friends and I get into trouble whether we try to or not.  This past weekend my roommates (Julie, Dee and Megan) and myself decided it was time to have some holiday cheer in our apartment and decorate for Christmas.  Well the piece de resistance is obviously the tree, so we set out Saturday morning to find the perfect one.  Spoiler alert, this story does not end like "A Charlie Brown Christmas," sorry to all the fans of pathetic, barren trees.

We venture to our neighborhood tree seller (special thank you to Allston for being amazing) and began to search through the plethora of trees being offered.  This is not really the exciting part of the story, I'm just setting the scene for what's to come.  After picking out our tree we made our way over to the employees, let's call ours Bob, to pay.

Now just to paint you readers a bit more of a picture, there is a parking lot across the street from the tree place we were told to, and did, park in.  However there was a big, empty lot right next to the tree place.  Just FYI.

Bob: Ok great, where is your car?  I can carry your tree over.

Us: Oh well it's across the street, let us bring it over for you so you don't have to carry the tree too far!

It is at this point that I also must make note that Bob was about 17, 5' 7" and very skinny.  There is no way this boy is carrying our tree across the street.  Just, not happening.

Bob: Uh, well, you don't have to... *looks around awkwardly*

Us: No, it's fine!  Don't worry about it!

Dee runs off to get her car.  If you can't tell from my usage of exclamation marks, we are just trying to be nice and helpful here.  Ya know, being merry and full of Christmas joy, blah blah blah...

Us: Ok here's our car!

Bob: *begins tying it to the roof*

Owner of lot we are now parked in:  HEY, ARE YOU GOING TO PAY MY $10 PARKING FEE??!!!

Us: Wait, no, it's not his fault!  It's us!

Owner: *growls incoherently and shuts the door*

Dee: Ok I'll go talk to him real quick and tell him it was our fault.

Bob: *looks nervous and continues to tie our tree*  Ok you guys are done, you might want to get out of here...

Dee: Uh yea, time to go, the guy inside said he called the cops on us and that a tow truck is coming.

Us: AH!  Ok thanks Bob, sorry if the cops come!  *peel out of parking lot*

All we wanted was a lovely tree to liven up our apartment, and this is what we get.  Cops, tow trucks, strangers yelling at us.  BAH HUMBUG!!!

Everyone is ridiculous, including old, cranky Scrooges.

Comments

I wanted to encourage all readers to post their own ridiculous stories in the comments section.  I know everyone has a story about themselves or about their friends that always good for a laugh or a sure hit at a party.  I would LOVE to hear all of them!  Remember, everyone is ridiculous, including you!!

The Boneyard

This story has been told countless times by myself, my friends, my family, my friends family and most likely complete strangers.  It's because this story is the epitome of all things good and absurd in my life.  Also I figure if I'm going to be blogging about my friends, I better start with a ridiculous story starring yours truly in all fairness.

It starts out as a completely ordinary Friday evening in January of 2008.  Myself and a few of my roommates were out looking at apartments in Allston for us to move into the following September.  After a couple of hours of being uncomfortable in other people's homes, we decided to call it a night and get some dinner.  Any of you familiar with Allston will know Soul Fire.  For those of you who do not, it is a delicious bbq joint with some incredible ribs for crazy cheap.  I highly recommend it.  

Nonetheless I get these very yummy ribs, and I per usual get way too much.  Get home, eat ribs, put leftovers in fridge, move on to the next part of the story.  Seeing as it was  Friday night, the drinking began and we eventually made our way out to a bar.  Cut to later that night, I come home and have what we affectionately refer to as "drunk-chies."  It's like getting the munchies, but when you're drunk.  Yes, I know most of you are familiar with the concept, don't deny it!  So I take my ribs and disappear into my room for the rest of the night.

The site of myself the next morning is sadly something I will never get to experience because my roommate who saw me did not take a picture.  I haven't decided if that's a good or bad thing.  The scene, as she described, was as if I killed and ate a small animal in my bed.  I was dead asleep and there was bbq sauce on my sheets, my face, the wall.  There were bones in my bed, my hair, the floor.  Additionally the TV was still on and I never took off my glasses.  So moral of the story, no matter how hungry or tired you are, never EVER forget to lock your door at night so you're roommates can't see you in such a ridiculous state.

Everyone is ridiculous, including myself.

Welcome

This morning, over a cup of coffee, my roommates and I engaged in our typical recap of the night before.  After laughing about how no matter what we do, we cause trouble, a frequently uttered sentence was once again said, "We could totally write a book."  It was pointed out to me, that if anyone was going to make an attempt at turning our insane lives into a book, it would be me.  But starting small, I thought blogging would be a better way to go.  For the most part names have been changed, however if you know me you will know who the stories are about.  I hope you find my life as entertaining as I do.  And if you don't, why are you reading my blog?